Never Tell Your Age: Should Older Women Reveal Their Age?Women's
Opinions on Showing Their Gray Hair, Telling Their Age  The Original Column by Mimi Tanner, and the Responses From Readers!
Reader Responses: Dear Mimi, So true, however, I find men do the math after they ask many questions ie..kids age, how long you are divorced. --P. From Mimi: Those nosy buggers. What are they, accountants? And more importantly, why do they care? But see, they do care!  Mimi--I'm
so glad you addressed this. I feel the same way.
Mary Kay Ash said once when asked by a reporter "what is your age" she
said, "do you mind telling me what you weigh?" It was cute
but it got the point across. so, do you ever tell your
age? I don't think it matters as long as you look
good. Do you think a man cares as long as you take care of
yourself? I don't think it really
matters. It shouldn't. From Mimi - Oh, thank you, that was a LOL for me. Love it!! Thanks
Mimi for sharing the age thing with us. That means so much to me as I
never tell anyone my true age. A select few do know the truth and think
that I'm nuts for not fessing up. To me age isn't a number it's rather
a state of mind. I've always felt young at heart, though bad moods can
really make me feel old. I do wonder, however if the silence could get in the way when and if I do meet that special someone. Ironically, if a guy asks my age I never come clean as I believe the number would scare him off! But that means there is no turning back. Anyway, I'm glad someone else out there feels a lot like me. -- R. The Pros and Cons of Going Gray For Women: Reader Opinions  Could This Woman Look Fifteen Years Younger With No Gray And A Facial? Yes, She'd Be A Knockout. Oh, And Get Rid of That Horrible Blouse! Grow the Hair Two Inches Longer. That Would Be Gorgeous. (Just upset about 1000 or more readers with that remark...the hair thing is a very big deal to a lot of people and they take it VERY personally! As a friend of mind would say, please don't get your panties in a bundle over it... no need to let anything that minor ruin your day!) Bob Grant would agree with me... In reply to your Should You Tell Your Age? I totally disagree about taking out the grey. There are many men out there who love grey hair on a woman. Needless to say that I do sport the hairdo myself and they are long and wavy. Men love the way it makes me look. I am told by both sexes that it makes me look mature and sophisticated and I have received many invitations from younger men and older men. I am in my mid thirties and this is still a big advantage. The only time I get told to dye my hair is by someone who feels insecure about themselves. Aging is a beautiful process and it's natural. I recall my grandmothers and the way they sported their hairdos. I always remember them having grey hair and they looked so elegant. The reason, I gathered, was they accepted themselves for who they were and where they were in their lives. We women often fall into that trap of, "If I had better legs, if I was 10 years younger, ........" that we never know when to stop. Grey is beautiful too. I worked in a beauty shop once and remember having women , of all ages, come in to dye their hair white. So hey, there is no reason why we can't go grey naturally and look and feel fabulous. An avid reader. Mimi's note: Thank you. You're certainly right that many women do look great with gray hair. There is a woman I've known for many years who has always had long beautiful gray hair and it is so striking. There is a woman who models for the "seniors" products who has very long gray hair and is an absolute knockout. Some of you probably have seen her photo. The nice thing about gray hair is that when you do look younger than your hair, it can really make you stand out. I have nothing against gray hair on anyone who prefers that for herself. It's just that on me, I look MUCH better without it. I think that most women look better without the gray - unless they do as you have said and make it a color that is not "iron gray"! More on that below. It's only been during times of major crisis that I did not get around to getting rid of those gray hairs that show up. And when my two daughters noticed this, they told me they felt very sad!! They said, "Mom, I don't like seeing your gray; I don't want you to get old! That means you're going to die soon!" All I can say is Thank God for Mimi, Not sure if you take questions on this email account, but in response to your latest email on telling your age: what about in internet dating? You have to give an age, and to lie seems strange because you are then possibly starting a relationship with someone, having told a lie. At some point you would have to confess that you lied and I think that would make a guy angry and wonder about your self-confidence level. It is a dilemma for me because I am 38 and want to have children. Some men might think that they should search for someone younger if they are looking to have children, so it is a tough one. What are your thoughts? Thank you, E. From Mimi: This is an excellent point that I hope to address in greater depth on this website. More on this soon! I do not think it is dishonest to not tell your age. These Internet dating sites need to get "hip" (lol) to the fact that there are a LOT of baby-boomers who really do not want to be forced to reveal their age! From
a reader: This
is my opinion. I've seen it happen many times when women of more
experience and wisdom try to attract men's attention by dressing too
youthful
and instead of portraying themselves as women who are in control of
their lives, they look like they are just looking for one-night-stands.
Well, anyway, just wanted to express my opinion on that small detail.
Thanks! -- L. From a reader: I always tell my age and I find it funny not to reveal it. What's the problem with getting older and wiser with age.Wrinkles are beautiful cause I don't want to look like a Barbie Doll.----- Hello Mimi, Well....this is interesting. When I was 21, people thought I was 16...so I always told my age. Now I do not. But here is the interesting thing and I would like to get some feedback....I am dating on the Internet, and I have chopped off not much, only 3 or 4 years, just to fall into a different age bracket. What do people think about this? Inasmuch as I am on several dating sites, I see some of the same men, but I think men are not that smart. At some point you have to give the birth date, so it shows up first thing under your name. and then in the description they describe themselves as 5 years younger. Also, you find the same men with the same pictures on different sites, but with different ages, usually varying around 5 years or so. Do they think we women are dumb? Anyway...what do the readers think about not being too truthful on the Internet about the age issue ?? Congrats on the hypnosis thing and making it available. About 8 years ago I gave up smoking (2 packs a day for 20 plus years) with hypnosis. A hypnotist at the laugh spot (spelling?) gave a seminar the day following his performance on self hypnosis and it definitely works. I have not touched a cigarette in 8 years this coming August. Anyway...always love your emails. Even if this Internet dating thing is not going to well. I went on date 11 last night......no I am looking for 12. Maybe 13 will be my lucky number. -- Y. From a Flirting Class Student: Hi Mimi, Thank-you very much for the two bonus books. I especially enjoyed "How to
have a Hypnotic Effect on Men" was very informative. I never liked telling men
my age--and I hate even more of that on online dating services. How do we get
around that --lie? I know I look good for my age but I don't want the man to
know it-- at least not right away--it's like being between a rock and a hard
place. What do you suggest? Hi,
Thanks. You don't ever have to tell
your age. Just do what I suggest in class 7 when you get asked a personal
question or anything you don't want to answer. Also some of the flirting lines
will fit that situation. Also you can remind him sweetly that "a lady never
reveals her age."
And a gentleman shouldn't ask!! (but alas, I guess they do) Yes, on the online dating it stinks that the age is shown. It puts us in a really bad position as we don't want to lie. They should just say "fifties" or "fortyish" and that should be enough. --Mimi Dear Mimi, I loved your email. I have always looked much younger than my age. In my 20's it was annoying, in my 30's I loved it and now in my late 40's getting divorced, I am grateful. I have contemplated the decision to reveal my age to men at this point in my life and have decided it is my business to be "39" forever. I have realized over my dating life that men who were really hung up on my age tended to be more hooked on superficial attributes and the men who didn't even ask, seemed to be looking for more deeper qualities. I want a man who wants a real woman and will be delighted that I am youthful in spirit and attitude and mature in character and emotions. Our culture puts too much pressure on females. I agree, get rid of the gray, be young at heart, happy with your body no matter what shape you're in and grateful for all the blessings in your life and you will magnetize a wonderful man who will cherish you. God Bless, A fan... I have a friend who is 40 and looks fantastic. She looks like she's about 27 years old. She just met a 26 year old guy and one of my other friends' guy friends made some really nasty comment. He said that she needs to tell her age up front so that some guy knows that she has "old eggs". (now I don't know this guy, but I already think he is a pig). He said "I just want to make sure that a woman can have my children and I have a right to know her age." If only I had been there to set him straight. This guy seems to want a baby machine and doesn't care about the person. There's no way I'd ever go out with a guy with an attitude like that! -- K. I am 27 years old and have been very successful in business since I was 18. I learned early on that age was just a number - and while I had the benefits of youth - with that youth came a discrimination against me by employers, vendors, coworkers, clients, etc. I learned early on that when asked how old I was to reply vaguely....I coined the phrase "I'm legal." And while now, my age is not such a negative I continue that same response of "I'm legal" because it tends to work very well for me. People in business and even in my personal life respect me more for neither being the right age or young or a "Baby" or whatever term they want to call me. I am able to gain and keep that respect by simply stating that "I am legal" and leaving it at that. They realize that the number is irrelevant, what is relevant is the maturity and expertise I can present in the situation with the person. -- L. Mimi: Re: telling people your age. What about when you put a personal ad up? If you look like the picture great but what about women who feel they look 5-10 and even 15 years younger and they put down the age they feel they look. The man meets them and he is disappointed and feels she has lied to him about something important, to him she looks older than she said she was. Or she posts a picture that was taken when she was younger (puts down that age) and she no longer looks like that picture. Or are the men rude for noticing that the woman looks older than she said she was? This is very tricky. I never to know what do in a case of personal ad. If you meet a man it is different because he will guess your age and unless you get serious he can keep guessing. I completely agree about keeping it private when you meet a man out and about. But if you put up a personal ad and you don't want him to lie about his age, then you feel fair is fair and you don't want to lie about your age. Or is thinking all wrong? Or should you lie about your age so you can be mysterious? I remember working with a lady who would never tell her age but said she was 40 something. Well the entire office thought she was 50+. The average guess was 52. Finally the truth was known and documented. She was 44. No one could believe it. I felt bad for her. I would rather be 54 and have people think was 44 than to be actually 44 and have people think I am 54. Christie Brinkley says the same thing - she would rather people think she is a young looking 52 year old than lie and say she is in 40s and have people think she looks older than 40s (which she certainly doesn't it but that is her reasoning). People will look it up anyway. What do other women think about this??? Thank you for listening....-- C. Dear Mimi, Pardon me, but I beg to differ with you on telling your age, and it is all based on my dear mother. Mom is 94, 4'8 and shrinking. She has never hesitated to tell her age. She still does not allow her age to get in the way of her life. She works full time, leads a very active social life, and dates a man 25 years her junior. Men are always flirting with my mom. She stands in line at the grocery store, men flirt with her. She bargains at the produce stand-men flirt with her. She recently leased a car for five years. The car dealer fawned all over her and offered extra goodies for the car-free of charge. She doesn't color her hair-what's the point at 94? She is a morally upstanding woman. She always dresses up when she goes in public-whether it be for a quick trip to the grocery store, or a night on the town. Mom always has a smile on her face, a kind word on her tongue, and true interest in the people that she encounters. Everyone loves mom. She is no raving beauty. She is not an heiress. She is a fascinating woman, born in 1912, and she always looks forward to tomorrow. Thank you for letting me share my Mom. Sincerely, K. Dear K., Thank you for telling us about your mother. She sounds like she could give us some tips on how to flirt. I'd love to hear about that. I knew a woman once who was totally charming - we worked together. She was already over 70. We were teachers in a Catholic school. The kids adored her because of her crazy earrings. She also was a ballroom dancer. Always out with younger men. She always had something positive to say - always. So everyone loved her. Her hair was colored in a way that is perfect for an older woman. She was close to a platinum type of color. She told me that she mixed two shades of hair dye to get the color she wanted (ladies, don't mix the ash shades with the warm shades unless you like purple or blue or green hair). It looked lovely on her.. So,
what to do when you must surrender to a new color as a "nod" to the
fact that you will look more natural that way because you are older?
Go with a white or platinum kind of shade. Avoid
the "iron gray" shades that make people feel like a coffin is your next
major purchase. Because that is what the youth culture is all about -
it's not that getting old is so terrible. It's that dying is not good
for your social and love life! Recommended links: Find Out How To Get Your Ex Back! Find out How To Be Irresistible To Men Bob Grant's The Woman Men Adore and Never Want To Leave |